Dear Coleen
I am in a relationship with my partner, and we have two children aged four and two. However, our living situation is causing strain in our relationship.
We have noticed that we get along better when we spend time apart, but tensions rise once we are back living together. Although we love each other, cohabitation at this stage is challenging for us.
We frequently argue about parenting approaches as we have contrasting styles. He leans towards a more traditional and strict method, while I prefer a more relaxed approach giving our children more independence.
Managing work alongside parenting adds to our stress and exhaustion, making the situation more difficult.
Lately, we have discussed the possibility of living separately while remaining a couple. While unconventional, I believe it could be a solution for us.
Do you know of other families in a similar arrangement? My mother is concerned that this decision may lead to my partner neglecting childcare responsibilities and pursuing his own interests.
We both feel the need for personal space, which is challenging to achieve in our small home with two young children.
Coleen says
You inquired about other couples with children living apart, and typically, this arrangement is seen among divorced or separated couples. Differing parenting styles are common among partners, often resulting in one being the disciplinarian while the other is more lenient.
Parenting is demanding, especially during this stage of raising young children. It can strain relationships significantly, and breaks are essential for rejuvenation, but complete separation seems like a permanent step.
If you decide to live separately, establishing clear boundaries about your expectations as a couple is crucial before testing this arrangement.
Your mother’s concern about your partner shirking responsibilities is valid. It is vital to agree on equal sharing of parenting duties if you choose this path.
Consider how seeing each other socialize independently may affect your emotions. Resentment and jealousy might arise, impacting your relationship.
Moreover, think about the impact on your children and how they perceive this arrangement as they grow up, which may not differ much from a separation or divorce scenario.
Alternatively, you could explore arranging childcare and taking breaks together to reconnect and navigate through this challenging phase as a team.
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